Slick like blind faith, now I'm praying to folds
Collecting the secrets the crevices hold
Seventeen mountain side-steps to the trail

And it's a smooth sail from there.

Lids drop lower to the rain-beat-pane-drum
I will be there to hold her when the floods come.
 

Alright, so this was almost like every other night, where I sign on, read everyone's entries and totally wimp out on updating my own. It's really more of a laziness thing, but I think the timing of this one is just too appropriate to ignore.

I came home today and realized that for the first time in a long time I'm really happy with my body image. I mean I haven't been really self-deprecating about it in a long time, but I've still had a good amount of issues. Just because I can recognize the cultural and media influences in my perception of beauty doesn't mean I can irradicate them. Naming a demon doesn't necessarily kill it.

Tonight was Danielle's birthday and that always means getting more dolled up than I would to hang out with any other group of friends because even if we were just going down the street those girls always take 12435234 pictures. I was designated driver and when I was dropping everyone off Alyssa made a comment on how I had looked really cute/sexy that night. I think it was the combination of that compliment and having just gotten home from a weekend with Carlynn that made me realize that I look good. I had been stressing so hard when I first got home because I had spent the entire weekend eating junk, and was freaking out about how much I'd have to compensate this week. And while I still plan on going back to eating healthy (I'm pretty sure Miller light/pizza rolls can only keep a body running for so long), I feel really beautiful. 

I thought this idea was pretty trite, and that I should probably keep this entry to myself, but when I went on and saw multiple entries from other girls about appearances I decided to post. So to the ladies that read this; Nicole, Becky, Ashley, Gabby, Steph, Elyse, Lucy (don't know if you ever still come one here) you are all FUCKING GORGEOUS. Trust me, I know you.

Alright so I leave for NC in a couple of hours, which is exciting, but I'm utterly exhausted. I just drove back from the gulf coast on monday and was starting to get back into the swing of things, but september is just bound to be a hectic month.

either way, I will be back on monday and should be staying put for a while, I need to get in my transfer application to FAU and do some more job hunting but other than that I don't have much to do with myself. I think having some kind of project would be fun, but I find it harder to get motivated to do artsy stuff when I'm alone. If anyone's got ideas I'm all ears.

Good news, kids I found out when my brother comes home today. He's getting into NC on the 18th which is perfect since that is also Chile's Independence Day, so hopefully I'll be with him for that. This was all in all a very nice weekend, Carlynn came here on thursday and left just an hour ago. On Friday we went over to steph's and played apples to apples while smoking an obscene amount, and yesterday was awesome, we watched Coraline with my parents then I got a whole bunch of people over here, my mom tried to feed everyone regardless of whether or not they were hungry, example:

-chris, are you hungry?
-oh, no, thank you, I just ate.
-alright.
*reappears 2 minutes later with a plate of chicken*

and so on. Afterwards we went to Robbie's and drank a bit, I learned the subtleties of "drink or drown" and I originally had wanted everyone to play kickball, but they weren't having it, instead we all jumped into the pool.

All in all, lots of fun, but I still have every intention of hosting an inebriated kickball tournament. Takers?

 

For the most part I feel pretty invisible at school most days, and I was finally getting accustomed to the contrast it had to high school, where I felt like I couldn't achieve privacy on campus if you paid me. So today caught me totally off guard, I had a girl in astronomy and in another girl in poetry tell me I was smart which was a nice esteem boost, especially since I've never even spoken to them.

The real oddity was when I was waiting for my first class, I'm sitting outside with my headphones on, listening to my cd player (no, I won't give into your mp3 worship) When this kid from one of my classes last semester (also who I have never spoken to), comes up to me and says "here give these a listen", and hands me 2 CDs held together with a rubber band. I asked if it was his band and he said no, and walked away. I read the note inside he wrote:

"I guess I never took the oppurtunity to get yo know you in Roundy's class, but you definately came across as someone who enjoyed some good music, and that's awesome in my book"

And some other stuff but that's pretty much the gist of it. While we never had a one on one conversation I was pretty open in class discussions, so I was openly the gay girl in class and such, so I really doubt this is anything other than a friendly advance. I think the guy's pretty ballsy, most people (present company at times included) are scared to even say hey to strangers, but he managed to give a complete stranger a pretty handmade gift without coming off creepy.

I'm thinking I'll just him a mix back, it would be pretty interesting to see how long I could maintain a friendship simply through musical exchange and annotation without ever speaking directly.

And while Orlando conspired against me every time I got inside my car, I had a really good time, Saturday was Halloween horror nights with Missy, Chris, Paul and Lee, then Carlynn and I crashed at Fabian's. We sat around and had a couple beers and I passed out to interview with a vampire around 3 in the morning. I got to see my brother, and everyone who had moved away to Orlando. I was a little sad when I realized how many people had moved away, but yesterday helped with that. Seeing Missy and Ashley at FAU, and knowing Anthony comes back today, helps me realize I still have a tight little circle down here. Though I do hope everyone comes together over the next break.

<-...brains...

I do appreciate the comedy in the Colbert Report, if I didn't  I wouldn't have it on so often. But it is aggravating how he keeps in character when he's interviewing genuinely interesting people. He's got Sherman Alexie  on right now, and a while back he was interviewing Junot Diaz (love), and he kept cutting them off. I get it, you're satirical, and you're funny, but sometimes I wish he could switch to genuine interview mode becuase he has some of the best guests.
Anthony dropped me off at home, and realized he was too tired to drive back just yet, so he's currently sleeping on my bed. He's snoring a little bit, it reminds me of when he still lived down the street, and he's show up all the time and pass out in random spots in my house. I have to wake him up, it's been a little over an hour and I'd like to get some sleep.

RobinDaHood is outie.
 

I'm currently putting off my portfolio work for computer literacy, I've been awake since four this morning. To be totally honest I'm thinking about getting a prescription for sleeping pills, it's pretty depressing that I can't regulate my sleeping habits on my own, but it's starting to cut into my school schedule so I might just have to bite the bullet on this one and seek medical assistance.

Starbucks reviews their job applications today, so I'll whether or not I got the job soon, (Cross your fingers for me, I'd rather not end up at panera). My mom lost her job recently, and even though we got a good deal on a shady minivan, my dad had to sell his honda, so we're working with limited cars at the moment. She'll be leaving to go to Chile in a couple of weeks for about a month. Life with just me and my dad is pretty mundane, we ahrldy speak and he can barely take care of himself. So it'll be a month of cup of noodles and me running away to Boca every chance I get. 

Elyse, if you're reading this, we have to do a reschedule for the beach, I grow paler by the minute. I was looking at pictures from about a month ago and I'm noticing a definite drop in hispanaity.

Nicole, if you read this, you suck becuase we never got to hang out while you went here, would you wanna swap care packages with me?

Becky, if you read this, where is my mix?

Ashley, if you read this, I own Donnie Darko, you just need to kidnap Missy and bring booze.